Dieting - Keep Calm and Carry On

Last night i started writing in a journal again. Like manually writing. Foreign concept these days, right? My hand sure thought so. It was cramping before the end of the first page. As I was writing my first entry I thought it might be good to share some of it on here. Sorry, you won't get the full thing. We all know that somethings just aren't meant for the internet. Besides, if i put it all on there then what would be the point of having a journal??

There is just something about writing by hand that is so nice. Something about the perfect lines of text that are just too formal. I like to skip lines randomly, doodle, and sometimes even do a little sketch. I can't do that here in this ever constricting maze of black and white. I did learn that apparently i like to  quote myself and blow them up and accent them like they do in magazines. I'll try to find a way to accent them on here but i can tell you, it wont be as pretty. :)

You know what's nice about writing by hand? 

There's no auto correct to derail your thoughts.

...There's just other thoughts to derail your thoughts. 

Write faster, hand!!

Of course my first journal entry would be about my biggest challenge right now, my weight. I have always struggled with my weight. I don't have it as bad as some. I'm not at any health risk, i'm just [forever] chunky. I don't know what it will take for me to get something done.

--- Dedicated --- Determined ---

I am constantly on and off diets. I'll count calories and make excellent progress only to crash and burn. It's a problem. I am aware but that doesn't stop me. I think "I should only have 1 cookie" or "I am full so i should stop here" but i still cram a second or even third cookie in my mouth and then feel horrible afterwards. Or i will eat everything on my plate because "it taste so good" like i'm never going to get it again... everything is mass produced.

It will be there tomorrow

It is like i don't have any willpower but it is there. I know it is. I've seen it! Hellooooo....?? I think it is almost like a form of depression? The more upset I get about eating, the more i eat. What sense does that make?? None I tell ya!!

For example just last week I was doing a great job on my diet and then i fell off a little on Wednesday because i was craving Far East Black Bean from Wok Hay. I was full halfway through but i just kept eating until it was all gone. I felt horrible that i ate the whole thing and i tried to get back on track but i was really down on myself. Then Friday i ate at a pizza buffet and then went to a party (aka beer) so i failed H.A.R.D! I don't even think Lose it can count that high. After that I lost hope and motivation. I didn't make a grocery list so i didn't go to the store.

I just wallowed in self pity instead of doing something about it

I know these things and i'm a believer that if something is making you unhappy that you should CHANGE it so why do i let myself wallow??? It MUST stop ---- there will be fail days and I need to just take them in and carry on.

Keep Calm and Carry On

That saying just took on new meaning...

Eating healthy is just so hard. It takes so much time to prepare and then clean up. Yes the food is delicious --- i feel 100x better --- and i'm never miserably stuffed. BUT time.... it is so precious and i'm trying to workout too.

They aren't kidding when they say healthy eating is a LIFESTYLE...

It takes up SO. MUCH. TIME.

"weh" right? Grow-up.

Maybe i could try one of those meal plan website that i got from Laura. I wonder if they generate grocery list? That's the annoying part.

Alright enough whining about my laziness and lack of willpower. It is my bedtime and sleep is very important to me. The important thing is that I don't give up.

Keep trying and keep changing! 

//Stacy//